Of all the groups I associated myself with during my pre-fallout years in the University of the Philippines, the UP Subol Society Diliman Chapter was my longest ever love affair.

Love affair, eh? Well, let's just say when you give a part of yourself to something without expecting anything in return, I guess you could call that love. Or whatever that comes close enough.

But yes, I consider it a love affair. From 2000-2003. When a significant part of my colorful life began. When I considered Subol the center of my universe during my younger college days.

It feels like deja vu trying to relive those days, as I'm sure I've had spent many hours before penning this same story during my Silew (the org's official newsletter) days (I almost took the post of editor-in-chief a career... Not!). I never really planned joining a provincial organization halfway through college. But I guess I owe it all to fate that eventually I finally found a place to belong – to share a heritage that I embraced during the time I lived in a town called Binalonan, Pangasinan.

So Subol brought my home in the province closer to Manila. As it turned out, Subol later became my solace when turbulent times in my life came; it's also where I began to feel the need to lead. Needless to say, I could not have enjoyed the good without the bad. And so Subol was also where I got to experience some milestones of baptism by fire – my first taste of breaking down after a very tumultuous encounter with Mr. Love, and yes, even politics in the microcosmic level.

Truly in many ways Subol helped me grow and evolve.

There's just too many events to reminisce about Subol. Too many memories so good to relive. I remember too many people whom I have touched and touched me in more ways than one. People I have always looked forward to spending time again to reconnect.

It is a cascade of many wonderful times that truly made my college experience something really worth treasuring.

Yet time flies and in my desperate quest to find my life I took a detour and had to depart from the life I have had with Subol - my way of growing up more outside of the org's reach. As I learned to deal with the more important things of life, being with Subol had its toll. In no time I found myself buried in the midst of winning how to survive life. I had to move on to be sure I did survive. But surely the legacy Subol had imprinted in my existence continued to live on...

After almost four years, I finally came to terms of revisiting my so called Subol past. Yesterday, I found out through Friendster that the org was to be holding this semester's talents night for applicants. Though I was meant to prepare for Leo's birthday that day, I asked Edward to tag along, short of gate-crashing, just for me to finally have an idea on how the org and its members were faring. (Leo and Edward are friends of mine who are also characters of another dimension of my UP experience – that is, the Narra days. But that's another story).

After almost four years, I suddenly found myself sentimental about Subol. I guess it was about time that I paid my ex-love affair a visit. My nostalgia was just too hard to contain.

Pity, the venue was off-campus. So we had to ply the pristine suburb of Balara (even passing by Mang Jimmy's – yet another spot that evokes many memories) to reach the place. And there, with less than 20 people, I found myself surrounded by members and applicants who undeniably paled compared to my age...

Being with them (later on Edward agreed with me) made me feel so old. Old in a very disturbing way...

I guess the point of going there was to re-establish my connection with the org, though I was half-expecting I'd chance upon members of my own generation. Though everyone was a complete stranger, my presence was enough to draw attention. I was slightly taken aback when they almost hesitated entertaining me. But thanks to Edward, we were able to break the awkwardness with his usual display of ricocheting queen antics.

So there I was, almost trying to bully the applicants with all my questions. As if not enough, I rounded on the members too. I don't know how to earn their respect, so I just had to be myself. The usual Kiko – bubbly, loud and full of non-sense. It felt good to give them a short laugh, no matter how artificial it probably had been.

Still, it really felt good to reconnect.

Too bad I couldn't wait for the program to start. Sadly, I couldn't even wait for any more familiar faces to show up as I had an appointment that I couldn't forgo (being there in Subol had me already cut hours on my workout session). I was a bit disappointed to see how not being able to follow their own schedule (due to Filipino time circumstances, I guess – it never changes after all) deprived me of the chance to meet some old friends again, but meeting the force that currently keeps Subol alive (it just celebrated 32 years of service to Pangasinan) felt more than enough now as I am more confident that Subol would still likely survive the years to come.

That way, there's still a Subol I could return to. Until time really makes me realize that though old I may have become, a part of why Subol still exists today was in a way because of me and the members who persevered to pass on the old Subi tradition.

Francis Eusebio L. Bautista
The Subolite Known as Kiko – and no, not the founding member.
Batch 2000A
Mga Incredible Subolites - Mi2S