I guess the ironic thing about hearing out a friend vent out all his frustrations about his failed relationship is the part that reminds me that I've been there, I've done that.

How do you challenge yourself to be at peace when you feel you've given him all you've got, all you are, but turns out he neglects your role in his life and you end up feeling nothing at all? How do you take all these reasons, albeit alibis, about why and how that thing you have with him won't certainly work out when you're doing all your efforts to make it work? How do you let go of something you have made your life's center, no matter how foolish and condescending you have become just to insist on keeping it, when you know you're blatantly given the run-around of a surely sour ending?

How do you accept your love wasn't worth it for him? How do accept him accepting your love only to see him disregarding you like he never took it all?

Hearing all those things, I felt my insides twist a little. It kind of made me remember the same hell I've been through before. Only that, I can't see why my friend hasn't seen the answers to his questions. I had seen mine, and it's so simple. But I guess feeling his shoes, I had to remind myself that it took time before I ended up in my own realization. It really is always about time - time to let go and heal.

In this case where you see yourself lost in your own labyrinth of confused emotions, to truly find your direction is a matter of choosing how worth it is to keep something that keeps you happy but at the same time makes you miserable.

People become stupid because of love, blinded by the fear of losing the one they hold dear.

But then, it always goes back to the part where the more important person for you is yourself.

It's obvious, but most of the time people forget. Suffering never is a pleasant experience (except for masochists perhaps?). You can't suffer all your life. And in the natural order of life, all things must come to an end, suffering too.

You just have to know when to stop.

-oOo-

I'll be having my own laptop soon. Thank God Edward offered me his because he's off to the US any time soon and he won't be needing it there anymore (He still hasn't confirmed when he'll leave, only that it's soon. Fine!). But the cost, though relatively cheaper than it's original cost of purchase, still exhausted my resources a lot.

Yet, I look forward to better things because of it.

I can already see myself so messed up trying to redo my abominable blog.

But I think I'll be able to delete those private pictures I stored somewhere in the Internet now. I feel uncomfortable letting them lie there just in case it turns out I'll be the next big scandal in town. Hahaha!

But the best delight is the part where I'll be able to write more now. I feel my scrawny fingers typing those keyboards each time I feel a little off and need to loosen up by writing.

Geesh. Am I forgetting I bought the darn thing because that absolves me of any more alibis why I cannot do my freaking bachelor's thesis?

Touche!

-oOo-

I'm feeling a little "old".

But let me do some cheer dancing to see if it helps. Hahaha!

I hate it when I'm bored. It makes me write silly stuff.

Gotta go!