Listening to Lifehouse’s “Hanging by a Moment” and eating my favorite banana fritters on a hot Friday afternoon, I couldn’t help but choke upon reading Leo’s short message about him wanting to get taken – as soon as possible.

I couldn’t blame the poor guy. He’s been in and out of relationships, even beating me for the shortest possible relationship (if you can call it that). Loneliness creeps up easily when you’re alone, much more when you know there is absolutely no one out there you can share your loneliness with. I guess Leo suddenly felt that surge so he just sent me such a lackadaisical text. Worse, I have this nagging feeling he sent me that on purpose because perhaps I might just relate with him…

Me? I just want to laugh this out. But yes, I could relate a little. Just a little.

I am single. Steadily single. And yes, sometimes I fear I’ll be perpetually alone.

I just spent the last months of my life chasing the wrong dreams. I wasted my time for another relationship gone wrong.

But curiously, I wasn’t bothered. I am not bothered, even now. I saw it coming. I knew how to read an “it-won’t-work” type of relationship, but I wanted to prove it otherwise. I wanted to digress from the inevitable. But like a rock that’s sure to fall from the edge of a cliff, I plummeted to the impairing truth that I couldn’t force something that’s bound to fail in the first place.

Maybe, just maybe, I am just forcing myself to be in a relationship at a time all forces of the universe are not in agreement with my decision to be attached. I accepted eventually that maybe it’s just not really my time yet to consummate my fantasy of an everlasting love affair.

Surprisingly, I haven’t ranted at all. Many weeks have passed by my blog without it being updated. I’ve taken a time off from all these negative thoughts. I’m still working my way to resign myself with all these troubles about finding the right one.

He should be out there. Somewhere. All I need is a twist and trick of fate so that we’ll stumble upon each other. I haven’t given up hope for him at all. I haven’t given up hope for Mr. Forever.

So I guess I’ll let Leo choke about his longings for now, but I think I’ll hang by a moment more to see if I’m really bound to be alone after all.